I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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