Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found the puke drawer
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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