I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
