there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
