she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
one two three fourrrrnication!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
