capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
