okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
