He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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