come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
