The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
