You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this boner is exhausting
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
