I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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