At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
