We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
