We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
