my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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