Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize