One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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