my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
