you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
