I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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