Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
