I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
