Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
