Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
