I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
