how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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