Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The power of my boobs compel you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
