I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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