I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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