the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
