We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
