He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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