I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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