I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
