Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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