I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry about my life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
