After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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