We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
