Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
