I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
