So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
