So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
