oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
