I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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