ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
