he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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