he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
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