I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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