I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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